Okay it is officially Feb. 1st...and so this is my surgery day. Well, technically I still have to go to sleep but who sleeps much the night before surgery. Guess I should treat it like any other night...seems everyone else has. I still had to cook and clean...and clean some more...there truly is no rest for the weary. I guess I shouldn't complain...I will be sitting on my ass for the next week anyways. Oh wait, last time I had knee surgery I was painting walls and moving furniture. Hmmmm....well...I guess I could just refuse. But then I might starve and just fade away into the furniture. Actually that doesn't sound so bad. I don't know what I expected. I just feel...somehow...like I wish I was someone or somewhere else..I get this way sometimes...not as much as I used to but sometimes I close my eyes and I see my heart drifting away like a feather in the wind. Outside of my body and who I am in this world, just floating away only being me...the me in my soul. The one who still has dreams. The one who is still going to far away places to do wonderful things and never have a care about the menial things that plague my life...like money and health...and people. Somewhere inside there is the me that still cares just about me...no matter how often I have to push me away...put me off...put me last. I guess one day, when I have lived my life here on earth, my spirit will be free. But I will always have envy for the few people in this world who are free spirits in life.
So, snap, back to the real world. I guess I need to get in there and take my medicine. I am not supposed to have anything after midnight and it is 1227...so I better do it now. And then try to sleep. Maybe I will have a good dream. Last night I dreamed I was being attacked by sharks. I think I can come up with a better scenario than that tonight..anything...
When I was little I wanted to fly. That was my dream. I didn't know how..but I knew that I wanted that feeling. I was a gymnast and every time I had that split second in the air I got such a rush. I once went to an airfield and got to watch the fighter jets take off and land. I wanted to join the Navy and be a fighter pilot. I guess we all grow up and some of us take on our dreams, and others go on to do other equally important things. But you never forget your childhood dreams. I still get on a good roller coaster once in a while just to get that rush of speed and weightlessness of the "zero G" feeling...if reincarnation is real...I think I must have been a bird in another life...or a bug...maybe I was a fly...yeah..thats probably it...that would explain my inevitable ability to find myself surrounded by so much shit.
See...this is what happens to the brain when you are alone and you have surgery in 7 hours..you get weird...
I could just erase this whole thing and post the same mundane but cordial bs that I usually write, but in the interest of science I will leave my ramblings for whoever wanders in to read and critique. I assure you I am in fact a little bit crazy. I always have been...I just am a master of disguise...had you fooled didn't I?
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